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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {